In the vicissitudes of life, there are patterns of accumulating order and destruction at play in every stage. Forever forward progress in this life is a myth, and the belief that we will of our own power optimize and self-actualize is demonstrably false. To the mother approaching the perfect rhythm of domestic bliss, the stomach bug cometh.
There will be times when good habits are more easily maintained. There are also times of illness, accident, changes in life that disrupt the delicate string of interwoven habits that form the outlines of a civilized life.
As simple as it sounds, a piece of advice that arises frequently from a wide array of sources is to begin the path of an ordered home with the dishes. Many people swear by the advice of Marla Cilley, otherwise known as the FlyLady, to shine the kitchen sink every night. Whether or not you take it that far, there is something gratifying about getting the dishes done each night.
It can be easy to dismiss the wisdom. Why must the dishes be done at night? Why not tidy up a bit first thing in the morning? Don’t question the wisdom, just try it and see. There is something magic about ending the day in ritual and beginning the new day in calm. Cleaning aficionados speak of the “ripple effects” of beginning with the sink through which the home becomes tidier by the daily habit of ending the day with an empty sink.
Do you even have to do dishes anymore? There is a loud contingent calling for women to outsource the duties of household management. There are plenty of men who take care of more than their fair of dishes, but it remains common for women to notice the need to wash dishes. Once there are a few children on the scene, outsourcing everything is practically impossible, not to mention prohibitively expensive. There will be dishes, and the way we greet them can make or break our resolve.
Kathleen Norris, poet and interesting lady, writes meditatively on the spiritual power of housekeeping in her book, Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy, and “Women’s Work”. The slim volume is a 1998 Madeleva Lecture in Spirituality sponsored by the Center for Spirituality at Saint Mary’s College, Notre Dame, Indiana. While Norris gets carried away analyzing her own poetry and painting the priest as a fussy housewife cleaning up after dinner, she has some shining moments of clarity well worth considering.
She observes, “Laundry, liturgy and women’s work all serve to ground us in the world, and they need not grind us down. Our daily tasks, whether we perceive them as drudgery or essential, life-supporting work, do not define who we are as women or as human beings.” Norris notes how contemplation pairs with mundane activities. As Tasha Tudor stated, “I enjoy doing housework, ironing, washing, cooking, dishwashing. Whenever I get one of those questionaires and they ask what is your profession, I always put down housewife. It’s an admirable profession, why apologize for it. You aren’t stupid because you’re a housewife. When you’re stirring the jam you can read Shakespeare.”
Perhaps especially for women, the practical work and ordering of the domestic sphere can lead to mental clarity and logical thinking. As Norris posits, “Both liturgy and what is euphemistically termed ‘domestic work’ also have an intense relation with the present moment, a kind of faith in the present that fosters hope and makes life seem possible in the day-to-day.” In moments of confusion and overwhelm, ensure that the implements of preparing food are tidy by the end of the night and you will notice how God’s mercies really are new each morning.
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