The indulgence of self-loathing and William Blake’s “mind-forg’d manacles”

Recognizing oneself as inadequate and unsatisfactory has an appealing allure of maturity and self-awareness, but it is childish indulgence. Everyone knows people who loudly proclaim their many faults and failings, sometimes to great comedic effect. But when it comes to the most important features of our person, such thinly disguised self-loathing is foolish and destructive.

It’s understandably tempting to assess the evidence of our inept action and make sweeping judgments about our own incompetence. However, such judgments trap us in a pattern of disorder. We begin with the evidence of our failings, of which there is no shortage: the frightful bout of shouting directed at young children, the dirty dishes piled in the sink, the floor unswept, the nagging tax question still unanswered, the pile of books carried in fevered aspiration from the public library collecting dust and likely soon to be overdue. Yes, you are a failure.

If we stay there, accepting the mantel of failure, calling ourselves a “bad mom” and bemoaning our every flaw we give in to obnoxious egotism. The path of maturity requires relinquishing an obsession with self and choosing instead service. Tears over the filth of wasted days and mess of living are not serving anyone, let alone ourselves. The epithet of “bad mom” has the bravado of accepting a harsh truth when it is often a display of cowardice. The one who decides she is “bad” need no longer try. There is no reason to strive for greater virtue, to struggle against the wrack and decay ever encroaching on our lives. To be “bad” is to surrender.

These self-indulgent thoughts are well expressed with William Blake’s phrase “mind-forg’d manacles.” Blake’s “Songs of Innocence” and “Songs of Experience” juxtapose the unbounded experience of youth with the cynicism of those who have lost innocence. In her analysis, Elizabeth Whitney notes, “The person of experience becomes jealous of the person who appears more free than he yet he is afraid of the energy that produces such freedom. The person of experience is self-limiting because he does not allow his imagination to run free, but relies on the materialism of sensory knowledge.”

Of course, we should not desire to remain totally innocent, naïve, and subject to manipulation. Most of us, in time, will lose the innocent wonder of being young and inexperienced, and this is as it should be. The challenge lies in not becoming jaded and world-weary but striving to grow child-like despite the hard-won experience that clouds our vision of the whole.

Christ said to doubting Thomas, “Because thou hast seen me, Thomas, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and have believed” (John 20:29). In the case of throwing off our “mind-forg’d manacles,” there is something of the reverse happening: seeing the disorder in ourselves and the world is the cause of doubt, and it is those who have not yet seen it for whom faith and hope come easily. Blessed are those who can recognize their faults and strive honestly to improve themselves despite the painful humility earned.